I am...a Vampire! - SM Blooding

Okay. True story. Kurt, this is your fault.

Sometimes writers become writers because the strangest stuff happens to them. I know that I could entertain people for hours with the things that I've had the opportunity to live through. These life experiences inspire us sadly demented people into writing and sharing, usually through fiction, though not always.

Today I bring you a tale that sounds false, but is...*dun-dun-duuuuuuun*...true.

I am a Vampire!

It all started the day I joined the bag pipe band.

(Stop laughing.)

*cue orchestra*

I met some very interesting people and it was wonderful. It was refreshing to come out of my shell for a little while and just be Me-the-Dork-Frankie for two hours every other week. I was picking it up pretty quickly, so the band leader asked me to tutor the other newbies. It was my job to instruct other would-be bag pipers in the long-honored tradition of bagpiping.

That's when I met him. He was tall, red-headed and freckled, and he had a nice smile. He didn't look through me. He didn't just see the dork and turn up his nose. And there was a chemistry when our fingers touched as I showed him to finger the notes and to bring real music from his instrument.

(Get your mind out of the gutter. This is the clean version.)

Anyway, things were going well. We dated. I met his mother. I got to try my hand at flying a real airplane. I nearly died, but things were going really, really well.

We decided to get married. We found out we were pregnant. I was in heaven. It was blissful. Nothing could go wrong. My life was finally getting good.

And then I found out he was the reincarnation of Merlin.

That should have been a red flag, but no. I was smitten and I was in love with that blue eyed man with the freckled nose. He was adorable, the father of my child and he was going to be my husband. There are people who believe in reincarnation. Hey, I'm one of them. I was just glad that he wasn't the reincarnation of Cleopatra. That could have been problematic.

Several weeks later, we're having a quiet...moment when he suddenly pulls back, flashes his teeth and promptly proceeds to bite down on my neck. I'm sitting there like a lump, asking myself why in the world my fiance is biting me. I figure that he's just trying to get frisky or try something new, and I've just about got myself used to the idea that maybe this is okay when...

He pulls back and he's got this movie-star, blood-crazed expression on his face. He then says with all seriousness, "I am a vampire and I have turned you."

Well, that was it for me. I then told him to leave and to never come back. He begged me to let him stay, saying he loved me so much, that if I left him, he would be forced to fake his own death and become an assassin for the US Government.

Well, Mr. President, I hope you enjoy your assassin/vampire/reincarnation of Merlin/bagpiper.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know, I don't drink blood. Apparently, I drink the psyche. *nods sagely* Yes. I do. And I'm feeling strangely hungry. Hmm.

Moral of the story?

Don't pick up men in a bagpipe band.